Beautiful to Me

These were pretty eventful weeks, with our Electronics exam on the 5th, right after I landed in Chennai, then the practical for the End Semester followed. Then we had a week’s holiday for the preparation of the End Semesters starting on the 18th. We had decided to go out that week to enjoy and relax. But we had to drop the plan because not many were interested. Anyway, exams are going great! I had Basic Mechanical today. It was pretty easy, I hope I score well. You know the best part of going to give the exams? I get to see Ritika (name changed). She’s just beautiful. I have never talked to her, but from what I hear from Suyan and Raghav, she’s smart and intelligent too. She has class. The way she plays with her hair while giving her exam and when she walks in to the room. Sigh. I sent her a friend on Facebook last year in December, wished her on Christmas because she passed out of Caramel Convent in Delhi that made me believe that she might love Christmas. Also, I wished her on New Year’s too! But then I never knew what to say to her after the “Thank yous”. I’ve lost all my guts to talk to a girl.

Every time I see her in the exam hall, I repeat in my head,"She’s out of my league". And I guess she is! I’m not good looking. Why would she be interested to talk to me? After Sarah, my self esteem and confidence has gone for a six. So, I have decided, I’m going to stay low and study hard for the next four years. I need to do that if I want to do what dad does.

Someday I’d look at Ritika and say, she’s still the one. But not today. I still remember the day; 16th July 2015. It had just been a day since I moved to Chennai to pursue my engineering. All I thought was SRM would be dull, but I was wrong. That day, she walked into my life. Well, practically she walked into the room where we were signing our enrollment sheets. But in a way, she did walk into my life. Light brown streaks in the hair and a smile on the face to greet the professor. “She was the one” were the first things I said when she came in to the room. I couldn’t take my eyes off her for the 15 minutes she was present there. The thought of her kept coming back to me all the time that day, hoping that we’ll bump somewhere in the campus and I’d introduce myself. But the more I thought about how amazing and beautiful she was, the more I believed that she was out of my league. It’s been 7 months now. She knows that I exist. Thanks to a mutual friend.
Whenever she is around, I’m at peace. “Dennis, please don’t fuck up” is the only thing on repeat in my head. She doesn’t know me well. The only thing we have in common is the mutual friend and the MUN committee. Every time I open my mouth, it’s just another stupid question. But the way she smiles while answering it, makes me un-regret what I just said. It’s hard to get her attention. It’s hard to be the person she would love to be with. I’m just a plain human with flesh and bones and nothing to flaunt. Like James Blunt said, “But it’s time to face the truth, that I’ll never be with you.” It was going pretty well. We had been talking for days on WhatsApp even after the MUN got over. She used to busy all day long and when she came back to her room and I used to “TRY” striking up a conversation. A person loves to be asked about how their way went. And I did the same thing. Then a day came when she wanted to go to Phoenix for the birthday shopping. And I gave her the idea that we should go together as I have some work too.

My work was hypothetical. I was desperate to spend some time with her. Get to know her. That day, we had a pretty long conversation in the train about families, school life, Delhi, Huaz Khas and everything she loved. Then we took the auto to the mall and we were discussing about the “work” I had. I said,” It’s a book I’ve been looking for which I could not find anywhere, not even online. So, I’ll go to Starmark and look for it.” Honestly, what I did was the craziest thing a guy would do in love. I walked into the book store and picked up and random book that I still haven’t read. I walked out of the store and called her up. She was in Pantaloons. So, I entered the green themed store and walked around looking for her, waited near the trail room outside and just when I was turning back, there she was. In a black dress with Aztec like print. She was looking stunning. Just effing stunning. And I said, with my heart beating louder than the thumping of cadets on the parade ground, "You look amazing". She smiled and said thank you. Then I lost sight of her after she walked back in to the waiting room. I strolled back and forth outside the trail room, waiting for her to come out. Then we walked to Lifestyle. I’ve never seen a lady shop. This was the first time. She walked from counter to counter of different brands and picked up 6 to 7 dresses. And in this time, I lost visual contact, again. Then I heard my name, "Dennis", somebody was calling me.
I ran around like a lost puppy and found her there, standing in yet again a black dress (she loves black) and I said, ”It’s the same as the one you wore in Pantaloons.” ”Yeah, you’re right, I’ll change, and I need your opinion on the dresses now.” After she went back to that little mirror room, I must’ve done a couple of happy dances in my head and with my feet, which got me a lot of stares from shoppers there. The best part about that day was the finalized birthday dress. A stunning white dress with crochet patterns and a net. I could not say anything when she wore it and came out. My head went up and down like those bobble heads. SHE LOOKED STUNNING. After that, we headed to Starbucks. It was my first time; she had no clue about that fact. You’ve got a gorgeous girl sitting in front of you and an amazing glass of Mocha Javachip Frappuccino in your hand. Life could not get any better.

Well, the amazing day, 4th March 2016, came to an end and whenever I think about that date, that white dress, Starbucks, her smile, everything about her just comes in front of eyes, like I’m there.

Then came a day when I told her about how I felt about her. She was shocked, a little bit. Apparently Amit had intimated her about it already. She had that “keeda” in her head.

So, this was it. Everything went down the hill, cliff actually. Just another roller coaster ride in life, eh?