Thoughts

Heartbreak.

“Perhaps this is what the stories meant when they called somebody heartsick. Your heart and your stomach and your whole insides felt empty and hollow and aching.” ― Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

Heartbreak, the most dreaded of all feelings. No matter how hard we try to avoid it, we all experience it at least once. What exactly is heartbreak? It is a feeling where you can literally feel your heart being torn apart. At first you fight it. You refuse to acknowledge the tears waiting to drop and ignore your dry mouth. You ignore it because you don’t want to believe that it has happened to you again and that you are just as affected by it this time, as you were the last. In fact the pain, if possible seems even more. You are angry that you let it happen again, in spite of promising to keep your heart guarded behind sharp words and suspicion. Yet again you let your walls down in spite of promising never to open your heart. Then you slowly come to terms with what happened and you begin to acknowledge the pain. At first you notice the dry burning sensation in your throat and the acid like tears in your eyes. Then you feel the hollow hole eating you up from the inside, pleading to be filled with any method possible or just to be numbed. Numbed so that you won't have to feel the gut wrenching pain of your heart being broken into a million pieces. But you feel it anyway. You feel your heart shattering because it is tired. Tired of enduring the pain. You feel like you would do just about anything to stop the pain. In a desperate attempt you hold yourself tight with your arms, foolishly thinking that it will somehow stop you from falling apart at the seams. But the pain only increases to that of a million shards lodged in your heart and the hole becomes more prominent. Then you slowly feel yourself give up. You give up trying to act strong and you let the tears fall unhindered. But the crying only eases the pain for so long before you become tired and dehydrated to do anything more. Then you lay lifeless, too weak and tired to even try to move or eat. Then comes the oblivion. You miraculously fall asleep enabling you to forget everything for a while, giving you the opportunity to be ignorant of the pain. Then all too soon you wake up disoriented. You feel fine for a minute or so before your treacherous mind remembers what has happened and then you sit up and go through the motions again till the pain becomes less with each passing day and it finally dies out or you find a way to numb and block out the pain until your heart can be finally fixed. After this we again make those very same promises to ourselves that we broke until we break them again. This time hopefully, for the right person.