Thoughts

Yours Truly, Hate.

I always wanted to be with you, you know and the intensity of that desire never seemed to descend.

I don't even know what I would actually say when you would come right in front of me.

I always try and learn to live without you but when I look at you, whoosh! I come right back running to you like a magnet and I don't even know what to do about it anymore. This love blurs the reality and makes it all magical again.

I have to admit that I'm not strong enough to even look at you with someone else. My heart starts throbbing, my hands start shivering and I find myself in a self inflicted coma. Even recalling that moment gives me chill down my spine.

What should I do ? How can I fall out of love ? Maybe I can if someone was there to receive it. Love never vanishes. Maybe for a better person but it always stays.

Our love was pure and true to the bones. Maybe we were just not supposed to keep it, I tell myself.

Maybe I love you so freaking much that I am not able to hate you anymore.

Maybe I'll be able to overcome this. Maybe if I didn't know how much you love me, I would had enough strength to drag myself out of this mess I'm in.

The fact that I know makes it all harder.

Maybe, when this day will come knocking on my door, I'll be strong enough to open it and say 'thank you' and smile.

Maybe, I'll finally look away at my jar of heart and convince myself to love someone else.